Today, Elizabeth Murphy shared a GREAT talk about Mom Guilt!! She started out by telling us that guilt is a legal status...We are either guilty or not guilty! Because "guilt" is a legal term, she structured her talk around things found in a trial/court room. She talked about the Facts, the Witnesses, the Jury, and the Judge.
The Facts:
There is "false guilt" and there is "real guilt".
When you think you have done something wrong, ask yourself, "Am I actually guilty (real guilt) or do I just feel guilty (false guilt)?"
Guilt does have a purpose, which is to help us learn something.
We are all gonna screw up at some point......we need to be able to learn from our mistakes and then move on from them. If we don't, we can become paralyzed by guilt.
ACTION STEP: If you feel guilty, examine the situation. Ask yourself, "What is my part in this and what am I going to do about it?" If you ARE guilty, confess and apologize.
The Witnesses:
In a trial, these are the people that comment on the facts.
As mothers, the only true witnesses are our children. They are the only ones who know how much you love them!
ACTION STEP: Interview your kids; let THEM (not other people/strangers) be the witnesses to your mothering!
The Jury:
In the court room, the jury is watching what happens but they only hear the facts that are stated out loud. They are only working with what has been presented to them.
Don't let others make you feel like a bad mom.
ACTION STEP: Make a list of who you allow to form your expectations of motherhood and WHY.
The Judge:
The only true Judge of our mothering is God! Don't give His power to judge to any one else!
He understands us because He made us and knows our past, present, and future.
YOU are the mom that God picked for your children!
ACTION STEP: Feeling guilty? Pray it out and ask for God's help!
God loves me because I am his child, not because I am someone's mother.
"The Lord looks down from heaven and sees the whole human race. From his throne he observes all who live on the earth. He made their hearts so he understands everything they do." Psalm 33:13-15
Click HERE to watch the "Reflections of Motherhood" video.
This blog is dedicated to the Moms of Influence group at Northbrook Church in Richfield, WI.
January 17: Attentiveness: Women's Self Care
Lisa Sinclair, a family nurse practitioner working in psychiatric urgent care at the VA, spoke on women's health and gave us a step by step way to approach our self care.
1. Adopt a focused living approach by looking at the chapters in our life and asking ourselves the following: what were the greatest highs, what were the greatest lows and using it to trace what God has been doing in our life. This will help identify our life's purpose or our "biblical purpose" statement.
2. Determine the main spheres of influence in our life. Ex: Social interpersonal, emotional, physical, financial, vocational and intellectual. What are our roles within each sphere? Are they in balance?
3. Determine our main life values.
4. Prayerfully construct goals for 2012 that come out of our purpose and values, according to our spheres of influence.
5. Take time to attend to these throughout the year by setting aside 1 hr/wk, 1 day/mo or 1 weekend/year. She also suggested doing an annual review to see where we are at in our life and then make the necessary adjustments.
6. Establish a daily to-do list. www.flylady.net and declutter books by Peter Walsh are great resources.
Lastly, Lisa suggested ways we could eliminate stress in our life by doing the following:
simplify, declutter (turn off tv, computer, deaccumulate), find balance and abide in the Lord.
After Lisa spoke, we learned how to recycle the covers of old Christmas cards to create new ones for upcoming years. We also put together Valentine's Day gift bags for the women at the Joy House.
Elizabeth Murphy will be speaking at our next meeting on February 7th. The topic will be "Forgiveness: Mommy Guilt."
1. Adopt a focused living approach by looking at the chapters in our life and asking ourselves the following: what were the greatest highs, what were the greatest lows and using it to trace what God has been doing in our life. This will help identify our life's purpose or our "biblical purpose" statement.
2. Determine the main spheres of influence in our life. Ex: Social interpersonal, emotional, physical, financial, vocational and intellectual. What are our roles within each sphere? Are they in balance?
3. Determine our main life values.
4. Prayerfully construct goals for 2012 that come out of our purpose and values, according to our spheres of influence.
5. Take time to attend to these throughout the year by setting aside 1 hr/wk, 1 day/mo or 1 weekend/year. She also suggested doing an annual review to see where we are at in our life and then make the necessary adjustments.
6. Establish a daily to-do list. www.flylady.net and declutter books by Peter Walsh are great resources.
Lastly, Lisa suggested ways we could eliminate stress in our life by doing the following:
simplify, declutter (turn off tv, computer, deaccumulate), find balance and abide in the Lord.
After Lisa spoke, we learned how to recycle the covers of old Christmas cards to create new ones for upcoming years. We also put together Valentine's Day gift bags for the women at the Joy House.
Elizabeth Murphy will be speaking at our next meeting on February 7th. The topic will be "Forgiveness: Mommy Guilt."
Dec. 6: Grace: Christmas Brunch
At our Christmas brunch today, we focused on the joy of this season and an amazing, biblical Woman of Influence, Mary (mother of Jesus). We met up in the sanctuary and enjoyed the beautiful winter wonderland "set" on the stage and a Christmas Carol sing-a-long. Then, Beth offered a special reading of the Christmas story through Mary's eyes, which was followed by a powerful and moving video (featuring the song "Born in Me", sung by Francesca Battistelli).
Connie Boerner spoke and her message centered on the invitations we receive and the rsvps we make during the holiday season. Drawing comparisons, she explained Jesus does not send invitations, but instead works in mysterious ways. He speaks to us through the manager scene and is asking our hearts to be a Bethlehem for him. As we celebrate Jesus' birth, who He is and why he came, He is inviting us to walk with Him.
What are we going to do with His invitation?
Will we rsvp and trust Him with our lives?
Because Mary said yes to God's invitation, we are here today. As we celebrate this Christmas season, let's remember why we are celebrating!
If you'd like to watch the video shared during the meeting, click here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GZ3BIFFLCKQ
Our next meeting will be on January 17th. Lisa Sinclair will speak on Attentiveness: Women's Self Care. We hope to see you there!
Have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
Connie Boerner spoke and her message centered on the invitations we receive and the rsvps we make during the holiday season. Drawing comparisons, she explained Jesus does not send invitations, but instead works in mysterious ways. He speaks to us through the manager scene and is asking our hearts to be a Bethlehem for him. As we celebrate Jesus' birth, who He is and why he came, He is inviting us to walk with Him.
What are we going to do with His invitation?
Will we rsvp and trust Him with our lives?
Because Mary said yes to God's invitation, we are here today. As we celebrate this Christmas season, let's remember why we are celebrating!
If you'd like to watch the video shared during the meeting, click here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GZ3BIFFLCKQ
Our next meeting will be on January 17th. Lisa Sinclair will speak on Attentiveness: Women's Self Care. We hope to see you there!
Have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
Nov. 15: Resourcefulness: Saving
Today's meeting looked a little different; instead of a "live" speaker, we watched a speaker/presentation on DVD. The speaker was Dave Ramsey, who is known as a financial author, radio host, television personality, and motivational speaker. The DVD we watched is part of Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace series and the session we covered was titled "Buyer Beware".
Dave started out talking about "the enemy of your Financial Peace" (companies/marketing) and the 4 Major Ways companies market to you. He shared that we live in the most marketed to culture in the history of the world and that companies use every angle to aggressively compete for your money. Some interesting statistics include: adults see 3,000-4,000 advertisements/day, kids born today will see over 1 million ads in their lifetime, companies will spend $15 billion this year alone on ads geared towards children, and that watching 1 hour of TV/week will equal an extra $200/year spent on products.
The Four Major Ways companies market to us:
1. Personal Selling
2. Financing as a marketing tool (no interest until 2012, 0% interest loans, no money down, etc)
3. TV, Radio, Internet, and other media
4. Product Positioning (brand recognition, color, shelf position, and packaging)
Dave then shared some tips about significant purchases and what to do before making them. A "significant purchase" is normally anything over $300. Our bodies actually go through physiological changes when making a significant purchase.
He also shared that we all have a spoiled, red-faced, tantrum-throwing kid living inside of us.....and his name is "immaturity". If this kid runs your buying decisions all of your life, you will be broke. Children do what feels good, but adults devise a plan and follow it.
What To Do When Making a Significant Purchase:
Because you can always spend more than you make, you must develop a power over purchase by:
1. Waiting Overnight before making a purchase.
2. Carefully considering your buying motives. NO amount of STUFF equals contentment or fulfillment.
3. Never buying anything you do not understand (such as certain types of insurance coverage or investments)
4. Considering the "opportunity cost" of your money.
5. Seeking the counsel of your spouse or accountability partner.
"Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies. The heart of her husband safely trusts her ; so he will have no lack of gain." Proverbs 31:10-11 (NKJV)
Some good tips to follow especially as we hit the stores for our Black Friday/Christmas shopping :)
Have a very Happy Thanksgiving and please join us for our Christmas Brunch on Tuesday, December 6th!!
Dave started out talking about "the enemy of your Financial Peace" (companies/marketing) and the 4 Major Ways companies market to you. He shared that we live in the most marketed to culture in the history of the world and that companies use every angle to aggressively compete for your money. Some interesting statistics include: adults see 3,000-4,000 advertisements/day, kids born today will see over 1 million ads in their lifetime, companies will spend $15 billion this year alone on ads geared towards children, and that watching 1 hour of TV/week will equal an extra $200/year spent on products.
The Four Major Ways companies market to us:
1. Personal Selling
2. Financing as a marketing tool (no interest until 2012, 0% interest loans, no money down, etc)
3. TV, Radio, Internet, and other media
4. Product Positioning (brand recognition, color, shelf position, and packaging)
Dave then shared some tips about significant purchases and what to do before making them. A "significant purchase" is normally anything over $300. Our bodies actually go through physiological changes when making a significant purchase.
He also shared that we all have a spoiled, red-faced, tantrum-throwing kid living inside of us.....and his name is "immaturity". If this kid runs your buying decisions all of your life, you will be broke. Children do what feels good, but adults devise a plan and follow it.
What To Do When Making a Significant Purchase:
Because you can always spend more than you make, you must develop a power over purchase by:
1. Waiting Overnight before making a purchase.
2. Carefully considering your buying motives. NO amount of STUFF equals contentment or fulfillment.
3. Never buying anything you do not understand (such as certain types of insurance coverage or investments)
4. Considering the "opportunity cost" of your money.
5. Seeking the counsel of your spouse or accountability partner.
"Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies. The heart of her husband safely trusts her ; so he will have no lack of gain." Proverbs 31:10-11 (NKJV)
Some good tips to follow especially as we hit the stores for our Black Friday/Christmas shopping :)
Have a very Happy Thanksgiving and please join us for our Christmas Brunch on Tuesday, December 6th!!
Nov. 1: Faith: Hope in Marriage
Pat and Pam Quinn shared with us their experiences and insights regarding strategies for working through the ups and downs of married life. Their message focused on how to go about working through tough times when: 1. Our husband is hurting. 2. We are hurting. 3. We both are hurting.
When HE is hurting:
1. Realize you can't solve the problem for him.
2. When he's sitting there watching tv, surfing the Internet and looking like he's doing nothing, realize he actually is using that time to work through his problem.
3. You telling friends and family about his problem, doesn't help him solve the problem and actually makes him hurt and feel emasculated.
What SHE can do while he is hurting:
1. Listen.
2. Give him time to work on things.
3. Be supportive.
4. Show confidence in him that you know he can work the problem out.
When SHE is hurting:
1. Women need to process things by talking through the problem.
2. Women need to be validated.
3. Women need to know that we are normal and we are not alone.
What HE can do while she is hurting:
1. Don't try to solve her problem but, instead, listen to her.
2. Realize men are bad at needs identification (knowing what they can do to help) but do want to be helpful and supportive. Tell them what they can do to help you (dishes, bedtime, laundry) while you work through the problem.
When you BOTH are hurting:
1. Practice fair fighting rules. Examples:
- Realize just because mom did things this way, doesn't mean it's the right/only way to do things.
- Make "I" statements rather than "You" statements.
- Recognize you and your spouse may have different fighting styles.
- Don't use words like "never" and "always".
- Do explain how you are feeling in response to what they are saying.
- Remember, in those moments, that you still love your spouse.
2. Carve out times to talk (both in good times and in bad).
3. Remember the purpose of discussion is not to win, but to solve the problem.
4. If you reach a point when you need to talk to someone about your marriage, be very careful who you choose because that person could ultimately influence the outcome of your marriage.
Our discussion topic for the Nov. 15th mtg. will be "Resourcefulness: Saving". We hope to see you there!
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