Here is a link to her talk: Imperfect Peace
3 things to remember during times of tension/rivalry:
1) Avoid "Bite You Back" Moments - Try to never say anything you'll have to bite back later.
2) Be "Intentional About Attention" - Most conflict comes from attention-seeking behavior. Your children want to know that: you hear them, you see them, you CHOOSE them.
3) Try to "Power Under" in situations - The quickest way to de-escalate a situation is to NOT buy into the chaos!
Practical Solutions to Everyday Rivalries
- Try to be LESS serious sometimes...play, relax, relate
- Make them write a list of "What I Love About You" to their sibling
- Have a "substitute" conversation of what could have been said, instead of what was said
- Admit when you lost your cool and put yourself in a "mommy time-out" so that they see the beauty in your honesty.
- Play games of affirmation. Tell what each member of the family is: loved for, remembered for, admired for or how they are unique.
- Give your kids a common goal to work toward so they have to be a "team"
- Have parent/child date days.
- Don't go it alone. Have family meetings and make your children responsible for coming up with some solutions to the rivalries that come about.
