We started the morning making no-sew fleece blankets for Joy House. As a group, we were able to donate about 14 large and 14 small/cuddle blankets for the adults and children at Joy House. Thank you all for your creativity and hard work....the blankets looked great and will be a blessing to the residents!!!
Our speaker, Elizabeth Murphy, shared on the topic of Communication in Marriage, focusing on "Reading the Signals". The signals she talked about included silent, stolen, small, steady, stretched, and spiritual.
Silent Signals - our body language, tone, and attitude towards our family can say so much more than words. So, we need to figure out what triggers our moods/anger/silent signals and watch out for those triggers. Also, we need to be honest with our spouse and family about when we are feeling the pressure and stress building up, causing us to communicate with these silent signals.
Stolen Signals - So often we try to do what we see other people doing. We read a book, watch a video, or attend a marriage seminar and try to apply the material to our marriage without "personalizing" it. This won't work since we are all in different situations and can't compare our marriages to others. Elizabeth advised us not to compare and to ask God how he would have us use the stolen signals/tools (books, seminars, etc) given to us.
Small Signals - the little things that mean something to our spouse such as putting the laundry down the chute or making the bed. These things say "I can do this for you because I love you". If there is something you would like your spouse to do for you, explain why it is important to you and how it makes you feel when it is or isn't done.
Steady Signals - the day to day "rituals" in our relationships, such as making coffee or bringing in the paper every morning, regular date nights, etc. These are things you can count on and they set a good foundation/environment for communication.
Stretched Signals - These are the signals we send out when we are stressed out or under pressure. If you build a good foundation before you find yourself stretched, you will have a good pattern for communication in your relationship.
Spiritual Signals - Pray for each other! This will keep you "knit together" even when you are apart. One good question to ask your spouse is "What can I pray for you?" Elizabeth also suggested sitting down with each other, sharing prayer requests, and then praying together!
Elizabeth's Suggested Book List:
"The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman
"Now You're Speaking My Language" by Gary Chapman
"The Man Whisperer" by Rick Johnson
"Men are Like Waffles, Women are Like Spaghetti" by Bill and Pam Farrell
This blog is dedicated to the Moms of Influence group at Northbrook Church in Richfield, WI.
February 2 - Houston, We Have a Problem: Sex in Marriage
With Valentine's Day right around the corner, today's meeting focused on love and intimacy. Erin started the morning out with a fun game, where each group had to craft a "love letter" using the sayings on candy hearts. Congratulations to the Moonwalker Moms for their cute and funny rap!! Lots of creativity and laughter in the fellowship hall this morning!!!!
Today's speaker presented the topics of desire and intimacy in marriage. A few of the key points made included problems with desire in marriage, desire discrepancy, and emotional/physical intimacy in marriage.
Some of the problems with desire that we face in marriage can come from family history, personal/sexual history, and marital history ( past problems that we have faced in our marriage). She also spoke about desiring God, who is our true soul mate. We need to put God first in our lives because He loves us unconditionally, knows us fully and loves us anyway, and will give us the desires of our heart.
According to our speaker, the three stages of marriage are: romantic (early/newlywed stage), power struggle (which can last for many years), and then reality (which is the beginning of REAL love and acceptance). Part of the problem with desire in the later stages of marriage is that we expect chemistry and commitment to exist at the same time, when they are actually in opposition to each other! Yes, you can have both, but it takes INTENTIONAL WORK!!! Don't believe that you don't love someone simply because you no longer feel the same desire you once had for them.
She then went on to speak about emotional and physical intimacy. Men and women are quite different when it comes to emotional intimacy. Men are motivated for independence while women are motivated for intimacy. Clearly, this can cause some problems in a relationship.
One of the issues with physical intimacy can come when a couple faces a "desire discrepancy", meaning one spouse has a high level of desire, while the other has a low level. This is common in most marriages, with the man being the high desire spouse about 2/3 of the time. Our speaker emphasized that an accurate pattern in later stages of marriage looks like this:
Arousal --- Desire---Intimacy.
So if we wait around for the desire to come, we may be waiting a LONG time!!!
In order to have a healthy sex life in marriage, we need to have open communication and compromise. The goal should be oneness and intimacy and we should expect to have to WORK at it!! Kathy's final recommendations for us included "don't wait one more day, put husband and marriage first, deepen your friendship, decide that a loving, satisfying sexual relationship is important, and take care of yourself."
If you are interested in learning more about this morning's speaker and her marriage classes, please visit her website at iwanttostaymarriedbuthow.com and/or blog at iwanttostaymarriedbuthow.blogspot.com
Today's speaker presented the topics of desire and intimacy in marriage. A few of the key points made included problems with desire in marriage, desire discrepancy, and emotional/physical intimacy in marriage.
Some of the problems with desire that we face in marriage can come from family history, personal/sexual history, and marital history ( past problems that we have faced in our marriage). She also spoke about desiring God, who is our true soul mate. We need to put God first in our lives because He loves us unconditionally, knows us fully and loves us anyway, and will give us the desires of our heart.
According to our speaker, the three stages of marriage are: romantic (early/newlywed stage), power struggle (which can last for many years), and then reality (which is the beginning of REAL love and acceptance). Part of the problem with desire in the later stages of marriage is that we expect chemistry and commitment to exist at the same time, when they are actually in opposition to each other! Yes, you can have both, but it takes INTENTIONAL WORK!!! Don't believe that you don't love someone simply because you no longer feel the same desire you once had for them.
She then went on to speak about emotional and physical intimacy. Men and women are quite different when it comes to emotional intimacy. Men are motivated for independence while women are motivated for intimacy. Clearly, this can cause some problems in a relationship.
One of the issues with physical intimacy can come when a couple faces a "desire discrepancy", meaning one spouse has a high level of desire, while the other has a low level. This is common in most marriages, with the man being the high desire spouse about 2/3 of the time. Our speaker emphasized that an accurate pattern in later stages of marriage looks like this:
Arousal --- Desire---Intimacy.
So if we wait around for the desire to come, we may be waiting a LONG time!!!
In order to have a healthy sex life in marriage, we need to have open communication and compromise. The goal should be oneness and intimacy and we should expect to have to WORK at it!! Kathy's final recommendations for us included "don't wait one more day, put husband and marriage first, deepen your friendship, decide that a loving, satisfying sexual relationship is important, and take care of yourself."
If you are interested in learning more about this morning's speaker and her marriage classes, please visit her website at iwanttostaymarriedbuthow.com and/or blog at iwanttostaymarriedbuthow.blogspot.com
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