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Be Strong

At our last meeting, Pat Quinn spoke to us about helping the strong-willed child. 
To hear Pat's talk, click HERE.

Here are some notes from Pat's outline/handout:
The outcome of almost every situation with a strong-willed person will be determined by: FEELINGS of control!
As a parent, you can help your child FEEL like he/she is in control while actually still maintaining the control. 
You can provide "limited choices" that give a feeling of control.

The 4 Rules of Power & Control:
  1. Let the child FEEL control
  2. Be the ADULT!
  3. NO winners!
  4. Pick your battles!!!!
When there is no way to put the child "in control" of the situation or choice, you should give them a substitute behavior/activity.
Say: "Here is another AWESOME opportunity where you can be in control."
Make sure that you replace their "fun" behavior with something even MORE fun!  Kids are easily distracted, but not by boring activities!

Actions that STOP cooperation include:
  • Accusations
  • Sarcasm (DON'T use it)
  • Giving orders
  • Blame
  • Put-downs
  • Discouraging Prophecy
  • Threats & Warnings
  • Lectures
  • Shame & Name calling
Actions that ENCOURAGE cooperation:
  • Give information
  • Describe the problem
  • Offer a choice
  • Say it with ONE word
  • Describe what you feel
  • Write a note (or draw a picture)
  • Use another voice or accent
 Use If-Then Statements when needed.  You want to be a teacher, not a punisher.  Once you feel that your child understands the desired behavior and yet he/she continues in the undesired behavior, you can issue an "If-Then Statement".
For example: "IF you hit your brother again, THEN you will lose your phone for 24 hours."
Make sure you follow through with the THEN!

Five Mistakes to Avoid:
  • NOT giving a substitute behavior
  • Distance & Audience
  • Promises: don't make promises you can't keep
  • Sarcasm
  • Body positioning and eye level
I hope you are encouraged and inspired by Pat's ideas.  I know that I am going to try some of them with my THREE strong willed children!!

Hope to see you at the next MOI meeting on May 5th.  Our speaker will be Laura Sandretti.

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