We had the privilege of having Dr. Richard Marks, Executive Director of ConnectUs 4 Life, speak to us about marriage. He shared a lot of interesting and practical advice about marriage. Below are some of the highlights from today's presentation. And if you are looking for some great "date night ideas", see this week's newsletter (follow the link on the lower right side of the page).
Humans were created "needy".
We all have needs that must be, and will be, met.
When our needs are met, we feel loved. When they aren't met, we feel unloved.
PAIN pursues PLEASURE.
CARESS (an acronym for our basic needs):
Comfort
Attention, Acceptance, Affection,
Approval, Appreciation, Affirmation,
Respect
Encouragement
Security
Support
When a loved one (spouse, child, etc) acts out, you can "discipline" the behavior, but you should also "listen for the need" behind the behavior. What is the unmet need that is causing this behavior?
There is no place for competition in marriage/intimacy. We need to give/serve/ meet others' needs, regardless of whether our needs are being met. Jesus is our model for this! He loves us and meets our needs even when we reject/ignore him.
What does it take to have a great marriage? US!!
US is the third entity in the marriage and it is a synergy/energy in the relationship. It's about becoming "one flesh".
How do you know if you have US in your marriage? You can FEEL it; you sense it's presence and you can sense it's absence.
In a marriage there are decisions he makes, decisions she makes, and decisions that US makes. Everyone needs to respect where decisions belong/whose decision something is!
We need to fight for our US-ness. One needs to practice humility in order to keep US around.
When US wins, everyone wins! When US loses, everyone loses!
Value your marriage and make it a priority. Don't let the kids become a higher priority than your spouse/marriage. Eventually, the children will grow up and leave the house, but you will still have each other. Keep that bond strong!
Click here to read more (from Thriving Family magazine) about enjoying your spouse and keeping your marriage a top priority!
This blog is dedicated to the Moms of Influence group at Northbrook Church in Richfield, WI.
