Today's talk focused on relationships and highlighted information from one chapter of Gary Smalley's book, The DNA of Relationships. The main focus of the talk was on creating a safe environment within our relationships. We learned that there are 5 steps to safety in relationships:
1) Respect the Wall - Sometimes a person that we are in relationship with may put up a wall in order to protect him/herself and to feel safe in the relationship. You need to let the person know that you are aware of the wall and respect its presence and that you don't require him/her to break down the wall until he/she feels safe doing so.
2) Honor Others - We need to see others the way God sees them. First, think of the person you are in a relationship with as personally autographed by God. Try keeping a list of the good qualities of that person (ex: Gary Smalley keeps an "honor journal"). Finally, try playing the "bombardment" game where you choose one person and "bombard" him/her with compliments for 60 seconds!
3) Suspend Judgment - Judgment tends to close people up and shut them down; it results in people putting up walls.. Instead of judging the person you are with, try asking questions that show interest and compassion.
4) Value Differences - Realize that differences can be a blessing. How can you make the differences work for your relationship? Food for thought: you might find something another person does irritating because it highlights something about yourself that you don't like.
5) Be Trustworthy - Treat others in a way that shows you recognize their value and vulnerability. Dr. Smalley says that we need to be trustworthy with others and with our self. Yes, it's important to be treat others well, but don't forget how valuable you are!! You need to act in ways that express YOUR OWN value and vulnerability. Sometimes that may mean building a wall of protection in a relationship.
This blog is dedicated to the Moms of Influence group at Northbrook Church in Richfield, WI.
